It Sucks.
My anxiety has crept in this morning. I hate when all the sudden I am worrying about things that have yet to happen.
This morning I am having concerns about going back to work and sending my son to daycare. I
dont want to do it. at all.
I have absolutely no desire to send him away from me full time. But here is the thing...I don't have a new job yet. And, he has not been offered a spot at daycare yet either. So...why am I worrying?!!! I know that one day, it is going to happen. I am going to have to bring him there. It makes me want to cry just thinking about it. For the past year it has been just us, together, every day. And I LOVE it! I wouldn't change it for the world. I love being able to spend my days with him. I adore our time together and I am SO grateful for it. I feel incredibly luck to be a Stay At Home Mom to our baby.
Maybe I'm selfish...that I don't want it to end.
There is just so much that foes into it....He wont be up for a spot until he is 1...and then the spot has to open for him to be offered it...and it may not be a full time position....we cant send him until i am making extra money to pay for it...but i cant get a job until we know how many days he can go....i am still breastfeeding, a lot.....and he is not eating table food.....he still takes 2 naps a day, and they don't do that at daycare....i also have not left him with anyone besides my husband....i dont really trust people and how they might take care of him...i worry he wont get the attention he needs.....and i worry about the way they might discipline..... and not to sound like a bitch but no one can do it like i do. no one will be able to take care of him like i do, or how i want them to..... that sounds so terrible. i dont care. thats how i feel.
and, what if he is scared, or sad, or thinks i wont come back....will he be comforted enough?....and how will i know what goes on at daycare...you just have to take their word for it? again, trust issues. and what if there are other kids that are mean to him? that is shitty. oh and dont even get me started on the nasty sickness. i have heard horror stories of the disgusting-ness that babies have brought home from daycare. ugh. he was already sick for the first weeks of his life. i dont want him to be sick all the time. thats so gross and terrible.
ugh. the whole thing sucks.
I know he needs the socialization. I know he needs to be around other kids. I know he needs to be exposed to "school" to learn and grow and develop.
No one prepares you for this feeling. I hate it. I hate it more than I can describe. I dont like thinking about all of this. I dont want to think about all of this. But I do.... and it just sucks. I get sad and mad and just blah about all of it.
***One thing to note: I feel as though it goes without saying, but the reason I am able to stay home with our son is because my husband works his ass off at his job to provide for us. Without him, I wouldn't be able to be in the position I am in today. All of his hard work has made this possible and I am forever thankful to him for it. His partnership means the world to me and we are committed to being amazing parents to our baby boy. ***
This morning I am having concerns about going back to work and sending my son to daycare. I
dont want to do it. at all.
I have absolutely no desire to send him away from me full time. But here is the thing...I don't have a new job yet. And, he has not been offered a spot at daycare yet either. So...why am I worrying?!!! I know that one day, it is going to happen. I am going to have to bring him there. It makes me want to cry just thinking about it. For the past year it has been just us, together, every day. And I LOVE it! I wouldn't change it for the world. I love being able to spend my days with him. I adore our time together and I am SO grateful for it. I feel incredibly luck to be a Stay At Home Mom to our baby.
Maybe I'm selfish...that I don't want it to end.
There is just so much that foes into it....He wont be up for a spot until he is 1...and then the spot has to open for him to be offered it...and it may not be a full time position....we cant send him until i am making extra money to pay for it...but i cant get a job until we know how many days he can go....i am still breastfeeding, a lot.....and he is not eating table food.....he still takes 2 naps a day, and they don't do that at daycare....i also have not left him with anyone besides my husband....i dont really trust people and how they might take care of him...i worry he wont get the attention he needs.....and i worry about the way they might discipline..... and not to sound like a bitch but no one can do it like i do. no one will be able to take care of him like i do, or how i want them to..... that sounds so terrible. i dont care. thats how i feel.
and, what if he is scared, or sad, or thinks i wont come back....will he be comforted enough?....and how will i know what goes on at daycare...you just have to take their word for it? again, trust issues. and what if there are other kids that are mean to him? that is shitty. oh and dont even get me started on the nasty sickness. i have heard horror stories of the disgusting-ness that babies have brought home from daycare. ugh. he was already sick for the first weeks of his life. i dont want him to be sick all the time. thats so gross and terrible.
ugh. the whole thing sucks.
I know he needs the socialization. I know he needs to be around other kids. I know he needs to be exposed to "school" to learn and grow and develop.
No one prepares you for this feeling. I hate it. I hate it more than I can describe. I dont like thinking about all of this. I dont want to think about all of this. But I do.... and it just sucks. I get sad and mad and just blah about all of it.
***One thing to note: I feel as though it goes without saying, but the reason I am able to stay home with our son is because my husband works his ass off at his job to provide for us. Without him, I wouldn't be able to be in the position I am in today. All of his hard work has made this possible and I am forever thankful to him for it. His partnership means the world to me and we are committed to being amazing parents to our baby boy. ***
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