postpartum
Yesterday while driving to CVS I was thinking about how I since I gave birth I often have been having obsessive type thoughts. What I mean by this is that I get all these outrageous thoughts in my head about "what if i fell down the stairs while I was holding the baby and I hurt him by accident?!" or "what if he smothered himself at night with the blanket and I didn't hear the he was in distress".... I also go over and over in my mind what I would do if we got into a car accident. These are all not nice thoughts. at all. But, there they are coming into my mind on an almost daily basis.
Interestingly enough, later in the afternoon yesterday, I came across THIS.
And I thought to myself as I was reading... this is me. this describes exactly what I have been thinking about.
Well before I got myself too worked up, I took a deep breathe, took a step back, and remembered that these intrusive thoughts that I am having are not in any way interfering with my daily living. The thought of a car accident doesn't stop me from going out and driving. The thought of falling down the stairs doesn't stop me from using the stairs with the baby in my arms. In fact, just this morning I noticed that I bombed down the stairs with ease not even giving a second thought to it.
This was on my mind enough that I talked with my husband about it while laying in bed. His prospective shed new light onto my own feelings about my 'fear thoughts'...He reminded me that we are new parents still. Although it has been 6 months, it is not like we are pros. He reminded me that this is our first child. We have never done this before! I was gifted a baby brother when I was 14 years old and a freshman in high school but helping with a baby sibling doesn't compare to having your own baby. So we are first time, new parents to this precious baby. My husband also reminded me that we are a bit different than some other parents. We went through more than most other parents go through. We had a rough start to say the least, and because of that, we probably worry more than some other new parents would. I remember when we first brought baby home from the hospital after his NICU and Special Care Nursery experience, he started to sound a little wheezy in his breathing and we immediately called the nurse at Special Care Nursery to ask her about it. I think there was a month long period of time in the beginning where I was at the pediatricians once a week because of various things. BUT, better to be safe and get it checked out than to be sorry later on. So I am happy I acted on things that I thought might be wrong. Anyways, I digress.
Back to the subject... Although I do have intrusive thoughts and I do have obsessive fears about what if's when it comes to the baby, they are not to the point where they are interfering from my functioning.
Lately I have been working a lot to stay present in the moment. Feel the feelings I am having and embracing them. So although I have a feeling that is anxiety based, I need to swallow it down, feel it, and then rid myself of it. (the Psych Major in me helps to dispell much of my ridiculous, over the top, intrusive thoughts.)
That's what I have on my mind for today. Until next time. LOVE && LIGHT.
Interestingly enough, later in the afternoon yesterday, I came across THIS.
And I thought to myself as I was reading... this is me. this describes exactly what I have been thinking about.
Well before I got myself too worked up, I took a deep breathe, took a step back, and remembered that these intrusive thoughts that I am having are not in any way interfering with my daily living. The thought of a car accident doesn't stop me from going out and driving. The thought of falling down the stairs doesn't stop me from using the stairs with the baby in my arms. In fact, just this morning I noticed that I bombed down the stairs with ease not even giving a second thought to it.
This was on my mind enough that I talked with my husband about it while laying in bed. His prospective shed new light onto my own feelings about my 'fear thoughts'...He reminded me that we are new parents still. Although it has been 6 months, it is not like we are pros. He reminded me that this is our first child. We have never done this before! I was gifted a baby brother when I was 14 years old and a freshman in high school but helping with a baby sibling doesn't compare to having your own baby. So we are first time, new parents to this precious baby. My husband also reminded me that we are a bit different than some other parents. We went through more than most other parents go through. We had a rough start to say the least, and because of that, we probably worry more than some other new parents would. I remember when we first brought baby home from the hospital after his NICU and Special Care Nursery experience, he started to sound a little wheezy in his breathing and we immediately called the nurse at Special Care Nursery to ask her about it. I think there was a month long period of time in the beginning where I was at the pediatricians once a week because of various things. BUT, better to be safe and get it checked out than to be sorry later on. So I am happy I acted on things that I thought might be wrong. Anyways, I digress.
Back to the subject... Although I do have intrusive thoughts and I do have obsessive fears about what if's when it comes to the baby, they are not to the point where they are interfering from my functioning.
Lately I have been working a lot to stay present in the moment. Feel the feelings I am having and embracing them. So although I have a feeling that is anxiety based, I need to swallow it down, feel it, and then rid myself of it. (the Psych Major in me helps to dispell much of my ridiculous, over the top, intrusive thoughts.)
That's what I have on my mind for today. Until next time. LOVE && LIGHT.
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