3/13
alright alright alright (in the Matthew McConaughey way)
On this very day last year, we FINALLY FINALLY FINALLY walked out the doors of the hospital WITH our son! It was AMAZING.
After essentially living in the hospital for 3 weeks, we were finally able to bring our baby home with us.
We had so much joy when he was born, and then it all came crashing down when we discovered that he was sick.
And I think back to it, and no parent should ever have to see their baby with tubes and needles and such. no parent should ever have to see their baby like that. yet, it happens. and it happened to us.
When you get pregnant, you never think about "maybe I'll be a NICU mom one day" or "maybe we will have a baby in the NICU"......or at least I never thought of that particular 'what if'
I am still FOREVER thankful to the amazing nurses that took care of our baby. They helped us, helped him, they nursed him back to health, and most of all, they held our son when we couldn't and comforted him when we weren't there.
Leaving that hospital every evening was torture. It was heartbreaking to walk down the hall farther and father away from your newborn. But, it made the next morning all the more exciting. Each time we drove towards the hospital, i could feel the excitement well up inside more and more as we got closer. Once we got passed the locked doors, and into the NICU or Special Care Nursery(SCN) area, I felt like I couldn't wash my hands fast enough (common procedure before you get close to the babies)
I remember peering over to see if I could see him lying in his crib from the sink. And then finally, I saw him there, and he was okay and nothing drastic had changed with him overnight and I just loved to look at him and watch him sleep and I was anxious for when he would wake again so that we cold interact and actually be parents. do normal things in a not normal circumstance. change his diaper and feed him and hold him. anything to bond with him and snuggle him close. That was even hard to do though, as he had oxygen attached to him face with a long tube up to the wall unit and he had those round monitoring stickers stuck onto his chest and belly and those each has a wire that went to the monitor and then the O2 saturation monitor with its own wire that connected to the monitor. So we had tubes and wires at each end and it was like a juggling act to get comfortable holding him and make sure he was okay too.
speaking of the monitor, i remember sitting and watching the screen and watching the numbers and when an alarm would sound our eyes shot up to our sons monitor to see if it was his. that sound constantly went off. it echoed thru the NICU and SCN. I could hear that sound in my sleep. if one vital sign dropped just a bit too low or out of whack, the alarm sounded. most times nothing was actually wrong, it was just a monitor sticker had fallen off or something of that nature. but it became so triggering.
It was a LONG few weeks. it was an emotional rollercoaster and we both shed our fair share of tears. As the days went on we just prayed and wished for our baby to be home with us by St. Patricks Day.
One of the hardest parts was after the antibiotics were finished, and the pneumonia was cleared.... our sweet boy still required oxygen and he couldn't come home until he was off of it. They kept trying to dial it down and his oxygen saturation kept dipping too low, to an unsafe level. So the oxygen was turned back up and we were no closer to getting him home. And then, they were finally able to safely dial him down. I remember near the end, he was on a ridiculously low amount. just a whiff. you couldnt even feel it flowing out of the nasal cannula. that was frustrating because we wanted so badly for him to not need it and be able to come home with us. And then finally he was fully off of it and we got the green light to bring our boy home and it was like music to our ears. We were ECSTATIC!
We got to the hospital early and went thru all the discharge paperwork, we dressed our son in his coming home outfit, strapped him into the car seat carrier and it was like we were escaping prison. it felt SO good, but almost wrong since we'd been there day after day and that became our reality. we got outside and the sun was shining so brightly and we were on our way. we were going home. together. the 3 of us.
On this very day last year, we FINALLY FINALLY FINALLY walked out the doors of the hospital WITH our son! It was AMAZING.
After essentially living in the hospital for 3 weeks, we were finally able to bring our baby home with us.
We had so much joy when he was born, and then it all came crashing down when we discovered that he was sick.
And I think back to it, and no parent should ever have to see their baby with tubes and needles and such. no parent should ever have to see their baby like that. yet, it happens. and it happened to us.
When you get pregnant, you never think about "maybe I'll be a NICU mom one day" or "maybe we will have a baby in the NICU"......or at least I never thought of that particular 'what if'
I am still FOREVER thankful to the amazing nurses that took care of our baby. They helped us, helped him, they nursed him back to health, and most of all, they held our son when we couldn't and comforted him when we weren't there.
Leaving that hospital every evening was torture. It was heartbreaking to walk down the hall farther and father away from your newborn. But, it made the next morning all the more exciting. Each time we drove towards the hospital, i could feel the excitement well up inside more and more as we got closer. Once we got passed the locked doors, and into the NICU or Special Care Nursery(SCN) area, I felt like I couldn't wash my hands fast enough (common procedure before you get close to the babies)
I remember peering over to see if I could see him lying in his crib from the sink. And then finally, I saw him there, and he was okay and nothing drastic had changed with him overnight and I just loved to look at him and watch him sleep and I was anxious for when he would wake again so that we cold interact and actually be parents. do normal things in a not normal circumstance. change his diaper and feed him and hold him. anything to bond with him and snuggle him close. That was even hard to do though, as he had oxygen attached to him face with a long tube up to the wall unit and he had those round monitoring stickers stuck onto his chest and belly and those each has a wire that went to the monitor and then the O2 saturation monitor with its own wire that connected to the monitor. So we had tubes and wires at each end and it was like a juggling act to get comfortable holding him and make sure he was okay too.
speaking of the monitor, i remember sitting and watching the screen and watching the numbers and when an alarm would sound our eyes shot up to our sons monitor to see if it was his. that sound constantly went off. it echoed thru the NICU and SCN. I could hear that sound in my sleep. if one vital sign dropped just a bit too low or out of whack, the alarm sounded. most times nothing was actually wrong, it was just a monitor sticker had fallen off or something of that nature. but it became so triggering.
It was a LONG few weeks. it was an emotional rollercoaster and we both shed our fair share of tears. As the days went on we just prayed and wished for our baby to be home with us by St. Patricks Day.
One of the hardest parts was after the antibiotics were finished, and the pneumonia was cleared.... our sweet boy still required oxygen and he couldn't come home until he was off of it. They kept trying to dial it down and his oxygen saturation kept dipping too low, to an unsafe level. So the oxygen was turned back up and we were no closer to getting him home. And then, they were finally able to safely dial him down. I remember near the end, he was on a ridiculously low amount. just a whiff. you couldnt even feel it flowing out of the nasal cannula. that was frustrating because we wanted so badly for him to not need it and be able to come home with us. And then finally he was fully off of it and we got the green light to bring our boy home and it was like music to our ears. We were ECSTATIC!
We got to the hospital early and went thru all the discharge paperwork, we dressed our son in his coming home outfit, strapped him into the car seat carrier and it was like we were escaping prison. it felt SO good, but almost wrong since we'd been there day after day and that became our reality. we got outside and the sun was shining so brightly and we were on our way. we were going home. together. the 3 of us.
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