When is attachment too much?
When Is attachment too much? When does it do more harm than good? When does it go too far? When is comes to a point where it hinders rather than helps?.....
These questions are in my mind because, as I have often said, I identify as an attachment parent. I feel as though my parenting style falls under Attachment Parenting(AP). I did not look up AP while I was pregnant, I didn't decide on AP before my son arrived. It is just something I kind of fell into. Like when you just kind of fit into a category...I feel as though I fit into AP.
So, what is AP?.... Wikipedia says: "Attachment parenting, a phrase coined by pediatrician William Sears, is a parenting philosophy based on the principles of attachment theory in developmental psychology. According to attachment theory, the child forms a strong emotional bond with caregivers during childhood with lifelong consequences. Sensitive and emotionally available parenting helps the child to form a secure attachment style which fosters a child's socio-emotional development and well-being."
Also in regards to discipline: "...discipline means teaching the child by gentle guidance, using tools such as re-direction, natural consequences, listening and modeling, rather than punitive means such as spanking, time-out, grounding, and punitive consequences."
So anyways, I feel as though I mainly identify with AP. With that in mind, I have come to realize that my son is now 8 1/2 months of age. Since the day we brought him home, I have only left him for 1 hour when I went to go get my taxes done. Something I HAD to do. I did not want to leave him, but the taxes had to be done. I cried the entire way there. This was also at the time when I was exlusively pumping and we were feeding him with bottles.
Now, I am exclusively breastfeeding. We have not used a bottle in months upon months. My son is having a little bit of solids each day but is not yet on table food and breastfeeding is still his primary nutrition.
So, I have essentially been with my son 24/7 for 8 months straight.
Now, here is where my questions arise. To me, this is OK. This is normal. This is not an issue. But, on the other hand, do I need to start to try and leave him just 15 minutes to start and build up to a date night with my husband? Because, one day, he is going to go to school and I obviously will have to leave him.
But, the thoguht of leaving him, even just for 15 minutes gives me anxiety! I was talking about it with my husband yesterday and I almost cried. well ok, I kinda did cry.
WHY do I feel this way? I think I truly have legitimate PTSD from when our son was in the NICU. For almost 3 weeks stright we HAD to leave him every singel day for hours. Every single night we left him until we came back in the morning. And I hated every minute of not being with him during his first weeks of life. So now, Why would I leave him after that?!!!
When you are in the hospital after giving birth, you can have your baby in your room with you as much as you'd like. There are times when the baby has to go back to the nursery for vital signs etc... but essentially you can have your baby in with you for the entire rest of the time.
My situation was a bit different. I had the c-section....the baby came to the recovery with us and spent some time there, and then went to the nursery. I then had the hemorrhage and the second emergency surgery, so our son stayed in the nursery for the rest of the night until the next morning when i left recovery and i was brought to my room in the maternity section. We brought our son back to the nursery for the first few overnights because to be honest, my body was going thru so much, I felt half dead and i was on so much pain medication and I was in so much pain that there was no way I could have taken care of him overnight for the first few days. During the day time, we had visitors and my husband was awake and we had the baby in with us a lot.
Then, the day we were supposed to be discharged, they rushed my son to the NICU because he was sick. So that was the moment when they took him away from us - for very good reason- and we werent able to take him with us for almost 3 weeks.
So Anyways, I think I have left over anxiety and stress from everything we went thru in the beginning weeks of my sons life.
I KNOW i have anxiety about leaving him. I know i do not want to leave him. I know that at some point I am going to have to because at some point it is going to hinder him. I can't just keep him with me 24/7 for the rest of time.
So I am just rambling because I am trying to do some soul searching and some hard core thinking. I need to think about WHY i feel so strongly about not leaving him and I need to work towards getting better about that.
These questions are in my mind because, as I have often said, I identify as an attachment parent. I feel as though my parenting style falls under Attachment Parenting(AP). I did not look up AP while I was pregnant, I didn't decide on AP before my son arrived. It is just something I kind of fell into. Like when you just kind of fit into a category...I feel as though I fit into AP.
So, what is AP?.... Wikipedia says: "Attachment parenting, a phrase coined by pediatrician William Sears, is a parenting philosophy based on the principles of attachment theory in developmental psychology. According to attachment theory, the child forms a strong emotional bond with caregivers during childhood with lifelong consequences. Sensitive and emotionally available parenting helps the child to form a secure attachment style which fosters a child's socio-emotional development and well-being."
Also in regards to discipline: "...discipline means teaching the child by gentle guidance, using tools such as re-direction, natural consequences, listening and modeling, rather than punitive means such as spanking, time-out, grounding, and punitive consequences."
So anyways, I feel as though I mainly identify with AP. With that in mind, I have come to realize that my son is now 8 1/2 months of age. Since the day we brought him home, I have only left him for 1 hour when I went to go get my taxes done. Something I HAD to do. I did not want to leave him, but the taxes had to be done. I cried the entire way there. This was also at the time when I was exlusively pumping and we were feeding him with bottles.
Now, I am exclusively breastfeeding. We have not used a bottle in months upon months. My son is having a little bit of solids each day but is not yet on table food and breastfeeding is still his primary nutrition.
So, I have essentially been with my son 24/7 for 8 months straight.
Now, here is where my questions arise. To me, this is OK. This is normal. This is not an issue. But, on the other hand, do I need to start to try and leave him just 15 minutes to start and build up to a date night with my husband? Because, one day, he is going to go to school and I obviously will have to leave him.
But, the thoguht of leaving him, even just for 15 minutes gives me anxiety! I was talking about it with my husband yesterday and I almost cried. well ok, I kinda did cry.
WHY do I feel this way? I think I truly have legitimate PTSD from when our son was in the NICU. For almost 3 weeks stright we HAD to leave him every singel day for hours. Every single night we left him until we came back in the morning. And I hated every minute of not being with him during his first weeks of life. So now, Why would I leave him after that?!!!
When you are in the hospital after giving birth, you can have your baby in your room with you as much as you'd like. There are times when the baby has to go back to the nursery for vital signs etc... but essentially you can have your baby in with you for the entire rest of the time.
My situation was a bit different. I had the c-section....the baby came to the recovery with us and spent some time there, and then went to the nursery. I then had the hemorrhage and the second emergency surgery, so our son stayed in the nursery for the rest of the night until the next morning when i left recovery and i was brought to my room in the maternity section. We brought our son back to the nursery for the first few overnights because to be honest, my body was going thru so much, I felt half dead and i was on so much pain medication and I was in so much pain that there was no way I could have taken care of him overnight for the first few days. During the day time, we had visitors and my husband was awake and we had the baby in with us a lot.
Then, the day we were supposed to be discharged, they rushed my son to the NICU because he was sick. So that was the moment when they took him away from us - for very good reason- and we werent able to take him with us for almost 3 weeks.
So Anyways, I think I have left over anxiety and stress from everything we went thru in the beginning weeks of my sons life.
I KNOW i have anxiety about leaving him. I know i do not want to leave him. I know that at some point I am going to have to because at some point it is going to hinder him. I can't just keep him with me 24/7 for the rest of time.
So I am just rambling because I am trying to do some soul searching and some hard core thinking. I need to think about WHY i feel so strongly about not leaving him and I need to work towards getting better about that.
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